In Between Worlds

Since I have been on a break from psychotherapy I need a channel to aggravate all these questions and emotions. I don't know what the limit of decency is on how much I can poor on my lovely little friends who are also struggling with bunch of issues life related. On the other hand, sharing the problems makes you feel like you are not alone with this and like you belong to a club of everyone has issues. I love chewing on our problems over a cup of coffee or a beer. Wine preferably because I am fancy and my taste is very expensive. The feel of a little luxury makes your horse shit problems feel like nothing and then you can finally laugh. Because you're still breathing and because someone still might have sex with you in the future. Why does he like me? I am so imbalanced. When he hugs me I freeze. When he is gone I picture raising children with him. Do I like him? I am not walking with a minus account balance stamp on my forehead. People only see what they want to see and ...

So here I am. Here I am at 0:11am sitting uncomfortably comfortable on the end of my couch wrapped up in a soft blanket I got from my mom. I'm approaching my 30th birthday which will be in less than three years from now. I hope it won't be as shitty as I remember all my past birthdays have been and I hope I won't go to bed alone. That was never a problem but now I feel like it might be. I'm done fooling around, I am so done. I am in dept, overweight miserable dogperson. I don't understand how I still have all this love left for myself. "I will figure this out. It will pass" says the voice of the optimist in me. She is beautiful and has helped me through a great deal of issues. Somehow she manages to turn every loss into a pathetic victory or an educating story we laugh about with my best friends. I'm not a murder my soul/kill myself kind of girl. There is just too much to love and see in the world and who cares if I majorly fucked up the first thirty...